A story of a tanner’s search for her soul name.

 The day was gray and getting grayer as the sun descended. The clouds hung low in the branches and cast a chilly fog on the Holt that seemed to keep everyone in their dens unless something of import drove them out. It had rained for the last eight of days and the ground had soaked up so much water that it could drink no more and the water just lay there in large, cold puddles.  For the moment there was a short break in the rain. Moonshade sat at the opening to the den that she shared with her mother, staring out into the misty world. Something had been bothering her as of late and she couldn’t explain it even to herself. Normally on a day like this she would be with her lovemate, Strongbow, hidden deep in his den buried in thick furs keeping each other warm, and busy.  She had had her eye on him for a long time, and he her. The tribe could tell they were fond of each other. Every time Moonshade was near Strongbow he would fumble over whatever he was doing. It was the only time the coordinated elf did fumble. And Moonshade, a shy elf anyway, could hardly get a word out of her mouth when near him. The tribe finally took a hand in uniting the pair by putting them together for a hunt. Clearbrook, One-eye, Nightfall and Treestump were supposed to be there too, but when the hunt got on, they backed off and disappeared, leaving the doe to she and Strongbow to deal with. He raised his bow and shot it through the throat, dropping it to its knees. Moonshade came up to it and dealt the deathblow. It was only then, after working together and bringing down the doe alone, did they realize they were alone.

              They looked around, confused as to where the others had gotten to. Moonshade smiled at him, she could feel her cheeks flushing with more then the excitement of the hunt. He grinned and knelt to gut the doe…. From then on they were inseparable. They only needed the push. Moonshade smiled at the memory. But the memory did nothing to warm her heart. Nor was being with her lovemate helping to mend the hole she felt deep within herself. Something was missing, and she had a feeling she knew what it was. She was an adult, though young in elven standards, and had yet to find her soul name. She let out a deep sigh as she came to a decision. It was time.

             She felt her mother come up behind her and she looked around at her. Brightwater’s hair hadn’t been done up yet and it hung down over her shoulders waiting to be put up in the familiar braid. She held her hand out to Moonshade.

“My cub. I know what bothers you. Here, take these. They may help you on your journey. It will be a difficult one.”

           She took Moonshade’s hand and slid a small pouch into it. The pouch smelled of earth and old leather, with a hint of..

“Dreamberries?”

         Moonshade asked.

“You will know if you need them.”

           Her mother said, smiling at her as she braided her hair and tied it around her head. Brightwater grabbed her spear and left the den to go on a hunt while the rain was busy elsewhere.  Moonshade looked outside again. The sun had made it’s final decent and the world was darkening even more then usual.

‘Difficult she says? Of all the seasons I had to choose this one. I’ll likely drown before I find my soulname.’ 

            Now she let her eyes wander around the den. It was littered with her practice leathers. She was being trained by Blackbark in the ways of tanning, and she enjoyed it very much. Though it took a lot of practice.

‘What to take? I wont need much.’

She thought to herself. There was a bow and quiver of arrows. The wet weather has made the string on her bow limp. There were sleeping furs, a couple of oil candles, Her mother’s and her pouch hung from the wall to the right, and a small fern in the corner to her left. Her oiled cloak lay in the opposite corner from where she sat, she stepped over to grab it.

I will need this if I don’t want to freeze.’

             She tied her mother’s pouch of dreamberries to her belt; next she picked up her knife. She needed nothing ells and went for the den opening.

“Oohh.”

         She about stumbled back as Strongbow’s head popped into her den.

**There you are lovemate. Will you join me in…Where are you going?**

         He looked at her with a bit of curiosity in his eyes. 

‘Puckernuts’

          Moonshade thought as she pushed past him to get outside.

‘I was hoping to make it out of the Holt without talking to anyone. How do I explain this.’

          She looked at her lovemate as she wrapped her cloak around her.

“Lovemate. I wasn’t going to bother you with where I was going. I… well… I need to go on a hunt”

            Strongbow smiled and held up his spear. He preferred the bow, but his string too was limp.

**I was just going to ask you to join me on my hunt.**

         He sent to her. She felt sorry for lying to him.

“I am sorry Strongbow. I need to do this one on my own. Please do not be hurt by this.”

              She leaned in to him and nuzzled his ear then quickly turned away before he could stop her for more of an explanation. Strongbow watched her go. Confusion crossing his sharp features. Bearclaw had taught him to not ask to many questions of the females. They changed their minds as often as the seasons changed. He was hurt to not be included, but let her go alone. He was sure she had her reasons.

               It wasn’t snowing yet, but the fog didn’t let any of the cold air escape the ground and it was quite bitter. Moonshade didn’t like the cold so she called her wolf friend to her.

**Swift**

         She got a sending in return. There were no words, just images of where the wolf was and a feeling of excitement at seeing her elf friend.

‘Besides, she can keep watch over me on my journey.’

          She kept walking knowing her wolf friend would catch up with her, besides, the walking was keeping the chill out of her bones. She heard the great wolfs soft footsteps as she padded up behind and to the right of her. Then felt a wet nose press against her hand and got more images sent into her head. This time of the smell of blood after the rush of the hunt, her friend was hungry. She scratched behind the wolf’s ear and realized she was hungry too. She had nothing but her knife on her, but figured she could at least get a couple of rabbits to fill the emptiness of her stomach. The other emptiness can wait a little longer. She mounted Swift.

“All right friend. But only something small”

           The wolf jumped ahead keeping to her name. Swiftly dodging trees and bushes as they appeared through the fog ahead of them. Behind her she heard the sound of the elves and their wolf friends howling at the Holt. They had emerged from their dens to welcome the moons, assuming they were up behind all of this haze. She wished she could be there, next to her mother and her lovemate, and imagined she could make out their voices. She would miss their warmth where she was going.

            She let the howls guide her into wolf thought as she hunted astride Swift. Swift had picked up a scent that in this rain soaked world only a wolves nose could detect. Quickly Moonshade had it too, but faintly. She let it roll through her nose, and imagined the taste of the rabbit flesh on her tongue. The icy wind beat at her face, but she was enjoying herself. The rabbits burst from a patch of tall grass at the base of a large rock and dashed straight ahead. Swift quickly but gracefully switched directions to fallow them. Wolf and elf were right on their fluffy little tails. Moonshade would let the wolf make the first grab, then she would grab for the other. The wolf caught the rabbit in her teeth, and having hunted with Moonshade for a long time knew what she wanted. She sped up so the rabbit was running along side, Moonshade reached down, grabbed it by the ears, and slit it’s throat so as not to waist any meat. After skinning and eating, she rolled the furs together to save them for later.

“These will make a fine pair of gloves for the coming white cold.”

          She put them in her belt, mounted Swift once again, and led her in a direction she hadn’t been in a long time.

             The pair ran until both were tired and couldn’t go any farther. Moonshade got off the wolf and let her go hunt alone, telling her not to bring food back for her. She tried to explain to her friend that she needed to be hungry for a while but the wolf didn’t understand. Eventually, Swift obeyed and left to find food, promising not to go to far.

They had ridden a long way and Moonshade hadn’t been in 

this part of the woods before. 

            She didn’t know quite what she was looking for but knew she would know it when she saw it. She knew it was a safe place to let her guard down. A place where no one, and nothing, could get to her. Preferably a place where humans have never set their five toed feet. She wandered into the night and slept in the branches of a tree during the next day, thankful that it hadn’t started to rain again. The next night she traveled hard again, pausing only long enough to let Swift hunt for herself. The wolf tried to bring Moonshade food a couple of times, then finally gave up when the elf got mad at her. Moonshade didn’t mean to get mad, she had tried to explain that she couldn’t eat right now, but the wolf didn’t understand. She was only trying to help.

              It was almost dawn when Moonshade found it. A thicket so thick you had to have the eyes and wit of an animal to gain entrance. She wasn’t sure if humans had been here or not though. The rain had washed everything clean. She didn’t care anymore. A human couldn’t get through this if they tried, and she was getting weak with hunger, she needed to stop. She took Swifts face in her hands and looked in to her lupine eyes. She sent images of herself being helpless inside the thicket.

**Guard, patience**.

             When Moonshade knew the wolf understood, she got on her hands and knees and crawled through the mud into the thicket. Thorns clawed at her cloak and her hair trying to stop her from invading its innermost secrets. She didn’t stop. She kept going, deeper, until somewhere in the middle, she found a clearing just big enough for her to sit upright cross-legged. She settled her self, trying to get as comfortable as possible, and sent to her wolf friend once again,

**Guard.**

             This time she sent feelings of appreciativeness with her words. Then she relaxed, breathing deeply to clear her head; she knew the wolf wouldn’t leave her.

Around her mingled with the smell of earth was the smell of diggers, rabbit and other small animals barely noticeable in the newness after the rain, but nothing dangerous. She let her thoughts take charge, focusing on not letting the NOW of wolf thought take over. She needed her memories and thoughts to be clear and full. She remembered the dreamberries her mother had given her and opened the pouch. There were only a few in there, but that’s all she needed to help her mind remember things long buried. She ate two berries feeling the juice run down her throat. Just as she felt herself drifting slightly, a raindrop hit her nose, her ear…it started coming down, but gently. Moonshade sighed.

‘So much for staying dry.’

           She thought disdainfully. She pulled her cloak up over her head tucking in her long dark curls, making sure to stay covered, and let herself drift as the rain came down and made puddles around her.

          She thought first of her Lovemate. How she missed him. How she loved to be near him and to feel his thoughts and feelings flow through and mingle with her own. He never spoke, finding the spoken word to be clumsy. The fullness of sending was much easier to comprehend, and easier to get across, even without words. She sank deeper into thoughts of him and could smell his scent tickle her nose, and his dry hands touch her face. Then she heard a voice.

“Moonshade”

            She looked around to see BlackBark mixing his leather pit full of new leathers with a long pole. She could smell the potent liquid and feel the wetness on her hands as she dipped them in to the pit, the toughness of the un-scraped leathers before they are turned into soft tunics and boots. She truly took pleasure in the long hours it takes to make useful things for her tribe and friends. She smiled at BlackBark and he pointed at the sky. She realized wolfriders never really paid that much attention to the sky and it’s inhabitants. Wolfriders were of the world and its many things in nature. The trees, the fruits, the animals - wolves. It was a wolf she saw in the stars and it was running right at her! All of a sudden she realized she was alone and she became frightened. But not to scared to run away. She stood her ground, and braced for whatever would happen, though she knew not what that might be. At first the wolf was just an outline made of stars, then a glittery mist, then a pure white wolf that ran on the wind. It touched ground a few paces in front of her and just looked at her with what Moonshade thought was expectation in its eyes. Inside, Moonshade could feel…what…? She didn’t have a name for it. Moonshade took a step forward and noticed that the wolf was changing. Its form moved and melted away in places and the fur disappeared. It stood on two legs, and its body grew long and slender.

“Oh Highones!”

            Moonshade wanted to run away but her feet wouldn’t move. She had never seen magic like this. She covered her eyes and waited for the worst. Nothing happened. Then, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was warm, and full of power, but it sent a feeling of ease into her body. She relaxed and moved her hands from her eyes to see, a Highone, of course. An elf they were called, pure blooded. Then she knew. This was the mother of the Wolfriders. She was tall and willowy with hair that flowed to the ground like water and glittered like the stars she had just come from, and eyes that could pierce the soul. Her soul. She knew Moonshade’s soulname! Moonshade looked deeper into the eyes of the Highone and saw herself as a pureblooded elf, as tall and willowy as her ancestors. She felt the despair and hurt of loosing friends and loved ones to the humans clubs and the joy of having a cub grow inside of her after centuries of not even remembering the act of love. She felt the power go out of her and the helplessness turn into uselessness at the hands of her own children as they grew stronger then her. She was weak. Then she felt the strength surge threw her weakness. Pushing it aside to replace the helplessness. She was strong and agile, able to take care of herself and feed the others. Moonshade knew it was the wolf blood that did this.

           The purebloods gave themselves over to the wolf blooded as the lower ranked wolves step aside for the leader of the pack. She felt her mind drift into the now of wolf thought where sadness and hurt could be pushed away or hidden until she came out of it and time traveled without thought or notice. She understood what the Highones had done to let the elven race survive on this world of two moons.  They combined this world with their own. Giving their children one thing, a gift to always remember where they came from and that even though the blood of wolves ran in their veins, they were also elf.

Eyrn, She was Eyrn!

         The Highone had helped her. Moonshade had forgotten her elven side, like most of the Wolfriders have done at one time or another. She had lost it in the now of wolf thought. But she had her soulname. Finding the elven part of herself helped her to find it. She was Eyrn. She felt complete at last. The hole inside her was gone and a weight she didn’t know she felt was lifted and she felt like howling to release the joy she felt inside.

          She was standing next to the white wolf again. The Highone was ready to go.

~*Never forget who you are.*~

        The sending was like warm milk to a new born cub.

~*Thank you mother.*~

         Moonshade sent in reply as the wolf faded into the woods around her. Then she heard howling coming from those woods, or was it. She felt herself falling back into herself like her spirit was rejoining her body. Another howl. Still sounded distant, and slightly sad. Then she felt her body. It ached from being in one position for so long. But how long? She opened her violet eyes and saw nothing at first. It was dark, but her eyes were strong with the wolf blood her ancestress had given her and they adjusted accordingly. She was slightly damp but not soaked and the ground wasn’t a puddle. She tried to move her legs and a groan escaped her lips. She heard another howl, this time it was closer and it sounded familiar.

**Swift my dear friend. You are still here.**

            She sent her relief to her wolf friend and got the same feelings in return. Apparently a few days had gone by while she sat in there. Swift was about to give up on her.

She stooped low and started to crawl out of her hiding place and felt a pang in her stomach.

**Moonshade? Are you all right?**

           Strongbow’s sending also sent the feelings of relief, as well as worry. This was the second time he had made her stumble. This time she fell into mud and thorns. She had not expected him to be here. She hurried out into the open, and about fainted when she stood up. She felt strong arms catch her and hold her. She became aware of two things: one, his scent was like that of a damp wolf, and she was starving. She let him hold her while he sent to her, feeling behind the scent of Wolf the body of an Elf. Not as tall or slender, but an elf none-the-less, and he had a soul name too. She found herself hoping to find his someday.

**I was worried about you when you didn’t show up at the howl so I tracked you way out here. It was hard to do in the rain but I found you. You were in there for at least two days and two nights. Are you all right? I tried to go in there and get you but Swift wouldn’t let me near the thicket. She kept telling me she was guarding you and about bit my arm off.** 

            Moonshade smiled as she felt the old wolfs nose touch her leg and she let her hand fall to touch the thick fur.

“You know lovemate, elves are more complicated then wolves.”

           She looked at him and saw confusion in his eyes.

**What do you mean?** 

         Strongbow was always about the hunt, the howl and the living free. She didn’t know if he had his soulname or not, but he had forgotten about the elf within. He lived in the Now and nothing ells mattered to him. She was sure eventually nothing ells would matter to her either as the now crept back over her.

**Never mind, I am starving. Can we…**

**You sit down with Swift. I will go get you something to eat.**

            He sat her down to lean against the wolf then mounted his own wolf and ran off. She was glad he was here. She wouldn’t have had the strength to hunt for herself. She could have had Swift do it for her, but she was also glad that she could lean against the dry fur and warmth of her old friend.

‘The wolf still guards the elf after all this time Highone. You chose well.’

              She hadn’t realized how cold she had been until Strongbow took her in his arms. She snuggled as close to Swift as she could get.

‘Eyrn. I am Eyrn.’

              She fell asleep before Strongbow got back with her food.

                                               S. C. 2006